reading my old tangible journal from 2009 (when i was a freshman/ nearing sophomore in college) and it makes me cringe. digging up the past to re-live moments i’ve forgotten. funny enough, certain events was memorable enough to write down all the details. a play- by -play of certain events. the tone in my voice. quoting word-for-word what others have said to me. the quotes makes it a fact that it was all real. ticket stubs taped in there with captions of what we were doing and how i felt. drafts of letters i’ve never sent.
it’s a sorry thing, that journal, but i can’t bring myself to throw it away.
sometimes it feels good to sprawl out on the floor. listening to music, thinking about everything and nothing. trying to capture some sort of feeling, but it’s too elusive to write about. it’s difficult, coming up with the right string of words.
it’s been difficult for me to write about anything lately.
random thoughts that i think about, instead of doing homework.
- How funny it is that when faced with conflict, people take the path of least resistance. It’s so much easier to pretend that everything is okay rather than dealing and confronting the issue. This fact makes me really upset, but at the same time I can’t be too upset about it, because that’s the way some people are. I have a hard time accepting this.
-What kind of tea would go best with chocolate.
-If i should get rid of 50% of my wardrobe, and to only invest in either thrift store pieces and designer/ statement pieces. Balance the highs with the lows.
-I need to get off this taco diet. What’s terrible about Santa Cruz, is that after a certain hour, only taquerias are open. then last resort is taco bell, or even dominos. #collegediet #badchoices
this week has been so intense, that i can’t think beyond tomorrow.
i absolutely must take 4 studios next quarter, but i probably won’t be able to.
i just kind of planned my life after college already, and started to apply to jobs, but this is fucking it all up. might stay in santa cruz for a summer session to finish art courses. i was really looking forward to packing up my stuff and moving out of here and beginning a new phase in my life.
i don’t know. maybe i’ll drown myself with work next quarter, but i don’t know if it’ll go over too well. i’d rather make something substantial than something half-assed.
i guess i have to draft up a plan B.
there’s a right time and place for everything. maybe santa cruz isn’t finished with me yet.